FYN Chapter 59, Heartbreak
Chapter 59, Heartbreak
River Seine.
The afternoon sunlight at four o'clock was filtered by the clouds, making it less dazzling and turning into a lukewarm, diluted honey color.
It spilled onto the river surface, breaking into patches of light.
The sycamore trees by the river haven't sprouted yet, and their bare branches don't look desolate in the golden sunlight; instead, they evoke a sense of anticipation as winter draws to a close and spring is yet to come.
But the air didn't smell very good.
After walking for a while, Chen Duling smelled a faint, strange odor.
Every now and then, when the wind blows across the river, it carries a faint smell of sewage.
She wrinkled her nose but didn't say anything.
Gao Huan walked beside her and noticed the change in her expression, but didn't point it out.
The two walked along the riverbank for a while, and when they passed under a bridge, Chen Duling finally couldn't hold back anymore.
"Is there someone down here...?" She didn't finish her sentence, but she saw it.
Several sleeping bags were laid out in the bridge arch, with empty bottles and food wrappers piled up beside them. A disheveled man sat on a sleeping bag, holding a cigarette, staring blankly at the river.
Chen Duling quickened her pace, only slowing down after passing under the bridge.
"Paris..." she murmured, her tone carrying a sense of helplessness, as if she had been deceived.
"Yes," Gao Huan said, "Paris."
The two walked in silence for a while.
Chen Duling suddenly laughed, a laugh of "never mind".
"When I watched the movie 'Amélie' before, I thought Paris was full of warm-colored cafes, strange-looking neighbors, and boys skipping stones on the riverbank."
She said, "I only realized after I arrived that a movie is just a movie."
Gao Huan glanced at her. "The Paris in the movies is still Paris, it's just that the movies don't depict those things."
Chen Duling nodded and didn't say anything more.
The two walked to a deserted section of the riverbank and stopped.
The Eiffel Tower in the distance looked like a silent iron frame under the gray-blue sky, without its lights on, and didn't seem very romantic.
"Brother Huan," Chen Duling called out to him.
"Um."
"Do you remember? We said half a month."
Gao Huan looked at her.
"On the set of 'The Left Ear' on October 10, 2014."
Chen Duling's voice was very soft, as if she were reciting a very important date, "You said, 'We can date for half a month.'"
"I remember," Gao Huan said.
"Actually, those two weeks have long passed, but according to our calculations, today is the last day of the 15 days."
Chen Duling lowered her head and looked at the tips of her shoes.
White sneakers, with the laces tied very tightly.
"In the days that followed, I kept thinking about whether those two weeks counted as a relationship."
If you say so, then it's your decision.
If you say it doesn't count, there's nothing I can do about it.
Gao Huan remained silent.
Chen Duling raised her head and looked into his eyes.
What I want to tell you today isn't what your girlfriend would say.
Gao Huan looked at her.
"Gao Huan, I like you."
Chen Duling's voice wasn't loud, but every word was clear.
She took a deep breath, as if trying to say everything before she ran out of courage.
I know you have Gulnazar. I also know she's not the only one in your life.
I don't care anymore.
I just want you to know that there's someone far away who's always watching over you, hoping you're happy.
She's finished speaking.
I looked down at the tips of my shoes.
The wind blew, blowing her hair onto her face, but she didn't brush it away.
Gao Huan reached out and ruffled her hair.
"Beep beep".
"Um."
"You are a very good person."
Chen Duling's tears fell; they were tears of relief, the tears of "I finally said what I wanted to say."
She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, sniffed, then looked up and smiled.
"I know."
Gao Huan's lips curled up slightly.
The two continued walking forward.
The wind blew from the Seine, carrying the smell of water and a faint odor of sewers.
In the distance, someone is playing the accordion, playing "La Vie en rose." The melody drifts on the wind, sometimes near, sometimes far.
Chen Duling suddenly reached out and grabbed Gao Huan's finger.
Hooking little fingers together, like two elementary school students making a pinky promise on their way home from school.
Gao Huan glanced down, and Chen Duling looked at their little fingers intertwined, a smile playing on her lips.
"Brother Huan, will you still remember me in the future?"
"meeting."
"Will they remember me?" or "Will they miss me?"
Gao Huan thought for a moment.
"Metropolis."
Chen Duling smiled, her eyes curving into crescent moons.
"That's enough."
The Seine River shimmered like scattered gold in the sunset.
The two continued walking, their little fingers intertwined.
The Eiffel Tower in the distance lit up, golden and warm yellow, like a lit match.
……
Zhang Ruonan did not return to the hotel.
She saw Gao Huan and Chen Duling walking towards the Seine.
She knew she shouldn't follow, but her feet wouldn't obey her. She followed for a distance of several hundred meters, like a cat afraid to get close.
Then she saw it.
Gao Huan reached out and ruffled Chen Duling's hair.
Chen Duling looked up at him, her smile beautiful.
Then Chen Duling took his little finger, and the two walked along the Seine River, their fingers intertwined.
Zhang Ruonan stood on the roadside above the riverbank, looking at the scene across the road and a green belt.
Her eyes reddened.
She didn't cry.
She took a deep breath, suppressing the tears welling up, then lowered her head to look at the bottle of water she was holding.
The bottle cap had been unscrewed, and some water had spilled onto her hands; it felt cool, but she didn't wipe it off.
She didn't know what she was expecting.
Perhaps she didn't expect anything at all.
She was just sad.
That kind of sadness, like "it's over before I even started."
Like a child standing outside a shop window looking at toys, she knows through the glass that the toy isn't hers, but she still wants to look at it a few more times.
Zhang Ruonan turned around and walked back.
She walked quickly, as if she were fleeing.
The Seine wind blew from behind, blowing her hair across her face and sticking to the corners of her eyes.
A hair got into her eye, it hurt, but she didn't try to remove it.
She walked a long way before stopping. She leaned against the trunk of a sycamore tree, looked up at the gray-blue sky.
The golden lights of the Eiffel Tower shone in the distance, but she couldn't see them.
All she saw were clouds, layer upon layer, grayish-white, like torn cotton wool.
She closed her eyes briefly.
In my mind, I saw Gao Huan and Chen Duling walking with their fingers linked.
Their shadows were stretched long by the setting sun, cast on the stone path, like two people who would stand together forever.
She opened her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued walking.
This time, she walked very slowly.
……
When Zhang Ruonan returned to the hotel, it was already dark.
After taking a shower and changing into her pajamas, she sat on the bed, hugged her knees, and looked out the window at the Parisian night view.
Her room was on the sixth floor, not very high, so she couldn't see the Eiffel Tower, only the windows of the building opposite and a street lit up in the distance.
My phone vibrated.
Yangyang sent a message: "Xiao Zhang, you've worked hard today. Get some rest and continue filming tomorrow."
Zhang Ruonan looked at the message and typed a few words: "Okay, Yangyang-jie, goodnight."
After sending the message, she placed her phone on the bedside table, screen down.
Then she lay down, pulled the blanket up to her chin, and looked at the ceiling.
There was a lamp on the ceiling, round with a milky white lampshade, the light drawing a thin line on the ceiling.
She remembered Gao Huan with his eyes closed in the welcoming car.
His eyelashes were long, casting a small fan-shaped shadow under his eyelids.
His lips were slightly pursed, with a very faint curve at the corners of his mouth.
She thought, she has already signed with his studio, and she will work hard to get into the Beijing Film Academy. So, what if she becomes famous in the future?
If she were a little closer to him, would he look at her more?
Zhang Ruonan turned over and buried her face in the pillow.
The pillow was soft and smelled of laundry detergent, but not his.
She knew what he smelled like.
Because she was so close to him at the Baihua Recording Studio.
She was in business class on the plane, and he was in front of her.
She couldn't see him, but she could hear his voice. He was talking to Chen Duling, not loudly, but every word was clear.
That distance was like the gap between her and him.
It's not far, but you can't get there.
Zhang Ruonan's eyes reddened again.
This time she couldn't resist.
Tears slid from the corners of her eyes, flowing onto the pillow and spreading into a dark dot on the white fabric.
She reached out and touched the dot; it was wet and cool.
She didn't know why she was crying.
Perhaps it was what I saw today.
Perhaps even earlier, in BJ's recording studio, she stood in front of the microphone, and Gao Huan said, "Just stand there and look good."
Perhaps even earlier, in her dormitory in Hangzhou, she sang "Unfortunately, If Only" into her phone. She was off-key, but she didn't care because she was singing it for him.
Zhang Ruonan turned over and lay on her back, looking at the ceiling.
She didn't have a relationship that lasted more than two weeks.
She has never even been in a relationship for a single day.
She only had one chance, one that she didn't know when it would come, or if it was even waiting for her.
Zhang Ruonan closed her eyes.
Tomorrow, Gao Huan, her, and Chen Duling will all be filming GG.
However, Chen Duling is ultimately not Dove's GG; she is her own modeling photographer.
Gao Huan was just accompanying her.
The two of them would laugh together on the streets of Paris, in cafes, and along the Seine.
But she will film with Gao Huan the day after tomorrow.
She wants to make that smile even more beautiful than it is today.
Because that smile was meant for him.
He'll find out someday, and my wish will come true.
Zhang Ruonan turned over and gently covered her face with the blanket.
Then she fell asleep.